Reet, wer gannin'

'Dom'
'Aye'
'Its arl sarted, wer' gannin' tae Iverist in fower weeks'
'Champion'
'We haf tae gerra toon ermy flag,is the owt else wer' ganna need.'
'Fowk se its nippy sur we want glurvs'
'Am not wearin' glurvs like a puff'.
'Its that cauld yer fingas snap aff'
'A doot it,a can thraw snae barls for hoors wi' nae problem,am not puttin' glurvs on'.
' Why arm not neither then,am no' having the lads callin' us cissy'.

NEXT DAY

'Dom'
'Aye'
'I put me hollider sheet in an' Mr. Rafeek ses the coonsels not payin' fur me trip 'cos wer' not takkin it serious like'.He ses iverybody dees whae dissent prepare proper'.
'Bollocks arv lurked in me buk. Naeone fro' the toon has ivver deed. Naeone. Even Marcelino would mak it up the turp afta he's lived in Blakeler fer a month or sur.'

LATER THAT NIGHT

'Da ,thers a wifey on the furn fur yae'
'Whae is it?'
'A dint kna'
'Tell her am oot'
'He ses he's oot'
'Da, She ses she wants tae turk tae yae aboot Iverest.'
'For f*cks sake!Can a man not have a shite!'
'Hellur'
Mr. O'Malley?'
'Aye'
'Its Jessica Fairman from the Sun newspaper'
'Why aye'.
'We've heard a lot about your proposed trip to the summit of Everest,is it true that it is your intention to attempt the summit without oxygen and with limited protective clothing and support.'
'Eh'
'Are you going to attempt to climb to the summit without any of the correct training, or without any previous experience or advice.'
'Why like, whae needs to kna'.
'I think that our readers wil lbe interested in your story'.
'Sorry pet, a dinna tark to the press'.
'We will pay you five thousand pounds for your story'.
'Wharra boot me mate Dom'.
'We'll make the same offer to Mr. Trattle.'
'Worra boot if a tell yae bowth stories,can a get ten thoosand?'
'We would prefer to speak to you both'

TWO DAYS LATER

'Parl'
'Aye'
'The Sun rang us.Oor storys in the papper the day.'
'A kna',the rang me two minutes agan'.
'Have yae got yer ten grand?'
'Ten?!!'
'Aye'
'A only got five!'
'Sur did a am jist pullin' th' plonker'.
'Bastard'
'Ha ha'

A WEEK LATER

'Shit!Shit!..... Shhhhhh - it!'
'What the matter Parl, whae was that on the furn'
'It wis the telly pet,Channel Fower has offered to film us climmin' t' Iverist.Thav said if we have a gan wil get paid thoosands if we mak it tae base camp with nae oxygen or owt'.
'Will yae be alreet?'
'Why aye,a dint need nowt else other then a few cans an' some tebs.'
'How much ar' the givven yae?'
'Me and Dom togither wil git fowerty grand'.
'What if ya dee?'
'A dint kna'.
'Well yae can ring them back and see if a get to keep yer cash'

'Dom'
'Aye'
'Wer' gannin' on the telly'
'Give ower'
'Aye, Channel fower is ganna foller us with a camerur.'
'Nur man,a hate seein' mesel' on the telly'
'When have yae been on the telly'
'In Dixons doon the metro.'
'Thats jist a cemcorder, to shur ya how it lurks'.
'Why a dinna like it'
'The ganna pay yae twenty grand'
'Arl get used tae it'
'Reet we got arnly two and a bit weeks tae train and mak sure we dinna miss oot on the murny.'
'See yae the morn'
'Aye see yae the morn'