Wer' dinnit haf to pay wersel'

The lads are in the club, its Saturday afternoon aboot haf one, I mean about half one and there are six or seven of them in a round.

'Howay then Scotty git them in,am spitting feath'rs'
'Ha yeh gorra crack in th' glass?A still gorra haf pint stannin.Its ganning doon like a nuns knickers afta last neet,a was ill on tha' Magners'.
'Did ya haf owt in it?'
'Na'
'See, its ower suggary, tha needs a dubble voddy in else th'll mak thisel bad on the sugar'
'Did yae gan tae the chinkies oor the kebab hoose efta?'
'Nane,a jist went yam'
'So ye drank poofy cider arl neet and wonner why th's ill!'

'Wah hey heres Pete, there lass blecked his eye las' neet'
'Did sha?'
'Aye, it wes an accident, she hoyed a glass at him,but she wis tryin' to bust his nurs'
'Wis it a full glass, like?'
'Na, sh'd took the floo'rs oot, ha ha!'

'Alreet Pete, has the got a birra mak up on like? Th' mascaras ran on yer eye'
'Oh yer funny like, our lass nearly kilt us'
'Howzat like? What wer yae fetting fur'
'Nowt,she just come yam mortal n' hoyed stuff aboot. Shis nuts when shis bin on the broon.Anywher' leave us alarn me heeds killin', a wis drinkin' that Magners last neet and as ill'
'Whats ganning on, has ivery one turned poofy, drinking cider all neet!?'
'Nur it was free in tha' new boozer,The Sunbornt Erms'
'Is that wer' yeh wher' like Scotty?'
'Aye'
'Yer sly dogs, nae body telt us'
'Aye well yae dinna sher a cuckoo wer' th' nest is'.

A COMMITTEE MAN APPROACHES THE TABLE

'Anywern want a number on the durmino card?'
'Aye ,how much?'
'Poond'
'How merch do a win?'
'Nowt, the committee'll keep it arl, wint ya Tammy?'
'Nur we pay fotty poond oot, the rest gans to the footy clurb, or ter a lurcal charity'.
'Gan on then'

TEN MINUTES LATER

'Dom'
'Parl'
'As been thinking on,why dint we ask the committee te pay oor Iverest fare, and we can dae it fur charity'
'What charity'
'Us, ye daft hoower!'
'Nur ye canna, a kna what th' committees aboot, tha'll need us to shur them that its arl fur charity'.
'Ar' ye bottlin'?'
'Nur'
'Howay then wil ask thum'

TWO HOURS LATER

'A canna believe it,arv been a member fur sivven yer, and th'll not give us a few poond tae clim a moonten fur charity.'
'Its yer arn falt, ye shouldna mentioned yer season ticket'
'A wis arnly kiddin' thur,arl pay fur that mesel', its the sivven grand fur Iverest wer afta'
'Wil hatta fin' oor arn sponsurs,when a gan tae wurk on Monda' arl see aboot sponsurship fra' the coonsel'
'Aye , mebbes yae can sell kisses tae th' lasses in acoonts'
'Mair like tae the lads in acoonts, ha yer seen them arl, ther' dressed up to the knot end wi' afturshav' n fancy hur gels'.
'Whe cares as long as th' shell oot, Iverst here we cum!!'
'See ya the morn'
'Aye see ya the morn'.